I Brought Beer to a Mommy Group

Dexter is 4 months old today! To celebrate, we're going to go to Zanzibar so he can look at some boobs. He's SUPER into boobs. Anyhow, I went to a Mommy group the other day. Here's the thing, I'm not really a Mommy group kind of a girl and I didn't really know that I was going to a Mommy group. My friend asked if I wanted to go for lunch at Monarch Park with her and her little 9 month old. It was a beautiful Friday so of course I said, "Yes". Here's the thing, my friend is great at organizing get togethers and bringing people together so maybe I should have suspected it was a Mommy group but I didn't. My friend is also not opposed to having a beer so the obvious choice of refreshments on a gorgeous Friday was obviously Sleemans's Original Draft. As I'm approaching this gaggle of babies and buggies I think, "Oh shit, should I break out the beers?" See I would like to be the kind of person who says, "I don't care what anyone thinks of me" but I do, (to a certain extent) and I immediately felt like the skid of the group for bringing beers. I noticed a lot of vitamin water and fruit as I sat down. Well I got over it pretty fast because it was EFFING HAWT and I was salivating for beer so I busted it out of diaper bag and said, "Well, it's noon so nothing wrong with drinking in a public park eh ladies?" My friend was all for it so I didn't feel totally alone in my love of the hops. Needless to say, I did get a funny look or two but that might be because I was talking about masturbation as well. You can take the girl out of East York but you can't take the East York out of the girl! It was a fun get together and I may just bring a two-four next time. I mean what cop or by-law officer is going to bust a group of Mommies for drinking in the park? If they do, we'll shoot them with our lactating guns, execution style.
Mat leave is seriously the best. My first job was at 13 at Tim Hortons and I haven't really stopped working since (with the exception of that time I was fired.....wooops!) and it's been beyond amazing having time off, not only to raise my baby but to just slow down and enjoy the city and the summer. I met Will for lunch the other day and decided just to walk around Yorkville with the baby, to see how the other half live. Yorkville is a pretty weird place, it's like walking through the Wardrobe. One minute you're just at Yonge and Bloor and the next minute you're in a mini Beverley Hills. BTW, doesn't Beverley Hills make you think of a lezbians boobs? "Hey, check out Beverley's Hills. Sweet rack on Bev eh?"
So I'm pushing the baby buggy and staring at all the interesting people with plastic surgery faces; I'm most likely slack-jawed. I should have been paying attention to where I was going because as I'm passing this super shi-shi patio of ladies lunching I run right into the effing parking meter. Of course that causes me to yelp and now all of the Tori Spelling look-a-likes are staring at me as I"m trying to to pretend that I've not just winded myself and ran my baby buggy into a stationary object. Dexter was laughing, most likely at me and I just laughed really awkwardly and loudly, like I had meant to do it, and just kept walking. I already didn't fit into Yorkville because my sunglasses are from Zellers but that definitely made me the Yorkville leper.
I must remember to take the empty beer bottle out of the bottom of the buggy. I've got to go to this church to look into the baby getting baptized. We'll discuss more about the baptizing of the baby in the next blog. Here's a preview: I can't believe I'm getting the baby baptized.