I'm baaaaaack

Hello! So I've enjoyed writing this blog over the years and I pretty much stopped after I had my second child for two reasons 1) I was working full time and had a new baby at home and a toddler and moved houses and 2) I've been really busy staring my own line of ball gags. It's called "Let's Have a Ball.....Gag!" Anyhow, Juliette is now a year and a half, (or 18 months for the annoying), and Dex is 4 and in Junior kindergarten which means I am now 28. God does time fly. So I'm just working (or trying to) three days a week and have Juliette home with me Monday's and Fridays. We went to our first baby sing song group thingy today. Unlike her vaginal canal predecessor Dex, we did NOTHING the first year of her life. When I was on a proper Mat leave with Dex and just had one baby, we did swimming lessons, sing song group, art, kindergym - all kinds of time killers. Juliette basically ate saltenes and stared at me working. She even came on a location scout with me a couple of times and since she's the cutest thing since Nick Cannon's soul patch, no one seemed to mind. Well if they did, they never said anything to me but that's because I made them try out my latest prototype from "Let's Have a Ball.....Gag!" But to be honest,I think it's made her a really well adjusted child, thus far. She's pretty good at entertaining herself. Anyhow, we go to this music class today and it's everything you would pretty much expect except for this one beast of lady, who I had actually seen before at an indoor playground, and I will never forget. I'll tell you why. She looks a bit like she's had a rough life, as in her face looks like it's had a few ball gags in it. Her little boy is super cute and running wild. He's nearly two. Now I will precede this next comment with this. I don't really give a shit how long you breastfeed. It's none of my business and it's good for the child. However, what I saw at this indoor playground was the most violence I have seen against an innocent breast ever in my life. This, fairly large 2 year old went up to his mother, ripped her top down and started pulling her by the titty. Like a dog. It was so weird to see a woman being dragged by her boob. Like when you see a cat on a leash. I mean honestly. Get a dog. So she grabs him and puts him on her boob and he starts chowing down. I, of course, look for too long and she says, "He's really hungry." No shit. So sure enough, she's in this music class and I recognize her instantly. So the kid runs up to her, pulls her shirt down and starts honking on it with the kind of vigour that can only be compared to Rob Fords expertise on the crack pipe. The funniness happens when her kid gets off and starts running around and she just doesn't bother putting her titty back in her shirt. So she is literally running around the sing song circle, while we're singing The Wheels on The Bus, with lefty hanging out of the top of her shirt,trying to capture a rambunctious 2 year old. She was wearing a V-Neck and no bra, to give you an idea of the mechanics of it. I happen to glance at the one Grandpa who has brought his Grandson and he's staring to oddly sing really loudly and stare up at the ceilling, as though that will make the fact that he's staring at a run-away boob, go away. Well now I can't take it and just start laughing. I look down at Juliette to pretend like it's the baby that I'm laughing at but I can't stop. It's getting worse, like I'm tearing up. Anyhow, the song ends and so does the class and I'm dying to talk to someone about the hilarious incident of the runaway boob, but it's the first class so I've got no friends yet and there's a good chance that I'm the only one immature enough to think a boob flopping around a sing-song circle is that funny. Now I've been a part of a few drum circles in my day, especially the West Coast days, and I still didn't see this amount of titty. So that's tit. Until next time.