What the hell is going on

So the baby showed up which you probably could have guessed considering last time I wrote a blog I was overdue. She was born on April 20th which is 420 and also Hitlers birthday so pretty opposite ends of the spectrum. I can see it already. Some pimply faced loser teenage boy will say to my beautiful daughter, "Hey Juliette, your birthday is on the same day as the international day of weed! Wanna smoke a joint?" Honestly. That's what I'M supposed to be doing on her birthday. Stupid fake teenage boys. Anyhow she's the cutest thing of all time and was much easier on the old birth canal. I guess her brother really paved the way with his massive head. It's like the Lincoln Tunnel down there. Sexy. She was only 7lbs, 2 oz so I wasn't given a VagAnus (I can't take credit for this amazing word) this time around. Needless to say if I thought one child was a gong show, two is almost comical. Oh and this time around, I'm self employed so there's no Mat Leave per say. Two weeks after Juliette was born I was shooting this big executive type and as we're halfway through the take I can feel it happening. Yup that weird tingly sensation when you're about to leak boob milk all over. So it happened but no one seemed to notice, or at least pretended not to. Anyhow, things have settled down slightly so I figured now would be a good time to fire up the ol' blog again. The second time around is a whole lot less fanfare as you know or can imagine. No showers, no birth classes - which are both good things. What a colossal waste of money those birth classes are. Can anyone who has had a baby honestly say they can recall anything that the hippy teacher was talking about when you were pushing a human out of your Vagina, Sasnatchewan? Anyhow, I guess because we had a girl this time around we got lots of cute girly things for her. But the BEST present we got was a piece of clothing I have no words for.

My best description is Crotchless Baby Pants.So I guess I do have words for it. These came from Dexter's daycare provider, which one would think was pretty creepy, but I don't think she even had a clue that these crotchless wonders were in there. I've had conversations with a lot of people regarding the purpose of the crotch hole in these pants. Is it to change a diaper? Impossible. Is it to show off a stylish pair of baby underwear? Maybe but what's the point in that? Are they simply crotchless baby pants? Yup. Pretty much. Again, I don't think Shakira (Dex's daycare lady) had a clue that these were a part of this massive, ornate box of baby clothes she gave us. It was one of those boxes that has a clear plastic top and all of these yellow baby clothes push pinned into styrofoam. Like it would be in the window of an old family owned clothing store on the Danforth that sells Baptism dresses. You know what I'm talking about? Anyhow, there was a bunch of Chinese writing on the box so somewhere in China, there is a place that is manufacturing crotchless baby pants. Someone tell the CBC. I smell a Passionate Eye. The baby is now 5 months so I've got an arsenal of material from a woman telling me that Red heads used to be burned at the stake (Juliette is a red head) to forgetting I even had a new baby. I'll tell you that one really quick. Again, having the second is way smoother than the first as your freedom and sleep was already ripped from you once you had the first one. So Will and I and Dex and week old Juliette went and looked at this house for sale, out of curiousity, because it was on a ravine. I put the baby, in her car seat on the living room floor and toured the house while also making sure Dex didn't destroy it. We're in the basement chatting about the house when this very concerned looking real estate agent pokes her head around the corner and says, "Um, someone jus left a baby upstairs, is it yours?" I immediately looked at her like she was the idiot and started saying "Nnnn...YES! Shit , she's ours!" Will and I start laughing because we honestly forgot about her, for just a minute, because she was literally a week old and it oddly takes some time to a) remember the baby's name and b) remember that you've had a baby. I think it's because you're so busy with the other one and work and everything that it's just not totally the focus like number one was. I figure that's why the youngest child is always the most well adjusted. I'm the youngest of four.Anyhow, this woman was there to show some couple the house and looked at us like we might have been the ones whose idea it was to use chemical warfare in Syria. So up we went and she was cute as can be, sleeping away. No harm, no foul. Shit. Baby just woke up and she's gonna want to go to the breastaurant. Gotta go. Until next time.